One of the movies I make fun of is Moana. There is a spoiler for those who haven’t watched it. It drives me nuts that her song she says, “They have stolen the heart from inside you/ But this does not define you/ This is not who you are/ You know who you are.” Having a heart literally stolen from you sounds like a defining moment. However, the movie is relatable to many, especially those in Jr. High and High School as they try to define who they are. The two main characters, Moana and Maui, and ‘villain’ all discover who they are. At least they expand on who they are.
We struggle with this concept as Christians. We don’t ask this question every day; but what we say, think, and do is what shapes who we are. If we lie often, we are a liar. If we hurt others for our own gain, we are not a person of integrity. If we don’t trust God then we are not Christian. What we believe should affect our life.
We’ve all seen children make wonderful decisions followed by a poor decision. This is part of them discovering who they are. It’s not just pushing boundaries, but their brain is still developing. They need safe and loving adults to affirm who they are and love them as they discover who they are.
It’s hard for parents to watch their children not embrace their faith in college. Often children will isolate parts of their identity in college as they figure out life management, classes, new social circles, and other things. Being available and consistent for them in this time is important.
So who and whose are we? We are beloved children of God. We are, “Created, redeemed, and called to live as God’s precious and beloved.” It doesn’t matter if a specific child (or adult) is ours or not. We are all profound gifts of God. We are all individuals, yet we need to be connected to others around us, both older and younger. We all need to be willing to pray for, mentor, and bless children in our lives. In some ways, they can provide those same gifts to us.
Help people discover their identity by: Using rituals to help reinforce your identity. This is simply, “A social custom, or even a normal way of going about something, that provides the comfort of history, regularity, and even tradition.” Support them (not necessarily protect them) in hardships and challenges. Help them explore activities and pursue their goals. Celebrate and affirm character development, help them find balance and see their life as a whole. Most importantly, model a relationship with God. Communicate with the individual how God would communicate with him or her.
Having conversations about faith in homes shows we are Christian. Twelve percent of kids have talks about faith or life issues with their mom and five percent have them with their dad. Less than ten percent of them read the Bible or do devotions together. Conversations aren’t just about asking one person questions. It’s about sharing your day, faith, ups and downs, and talking about tricky or touchy subjects. Should we let the world or ourselves teach children about hard thing? Even if we stumble or fail, it’s worth it to keep trying.
Another important thing is Christians should be allowed to express doubt. It is counterintuitive, but those who are free to express doubt often have a stronger faith for exploring those thoughts and feelings. Most doubt questions seem to focus on if God exists, loves me, am I living how God wants me to live, and is Christianity the true and only way to God. Where do we want friends and family to ask these questions? Hopefully, in a loving environment with help, support, and love. If possible, guide individuals, give them opinions, but let them come to their own conclusions.
Make time and space for important conversations. However, many of the best conversations happen in everyday life. Sometimes we miss these teachable moments, but we can forgive ourselves and do our best to be ready for the next ones. Listen and ask questions during these times rather than lecture. “Never explain something to your kid if you can ask a question instead…. Your child already knows what you think and what you would say, they will likely close their mind as soon as you open your mouth.”
Sometimes it seems like our children don’t want to talk to us. Plan time to spend with just them to remind them how important they are. Also, don’t assume they don’t want to talk to you, even if they say so. Sometimes, deep down, they don’t truly mean it.
Remember, it comes down to whose we are in Christ and who we are in Christ. Share who you are, how your faith has changed, struggles you’ve had with faith, and make time to remind others they are beloved children of God.